22nd/9/19                                                                                                                                   DBBearman

Friends War Victims Relief. Committee

APO, S5. BEF France 8 enclosures, photos

Dear Pere,

Your letter (of the 19th) to hand this morning, thanks. You will have received other letters since then acknowledging receipt of the letter you mention. I am hoping to receive the saddle this week: but the undershirts have not arrived yet. By “my best boots” I only meant those repaired ones, which are my best pair. I certainly don’t want the army pair here.

I hope all are the better for their holidays, & have come back full of strength and restfulness- in the deeper sense of that word. I am sorry that Teddy is down again. Perhaps the Isle of Wight was too enervating this hot summer to really benefit him. It is much cooler here now-since yesterday,-& I feel much stronger.

You speak of my “love affair”. I don’t know that that is an apt description of the case. I have literally “grown” –for I suppose one grows when one lives intensely & comes through the storms with one’s highest windows still clean & ones highest outlook, uninterrupted – grown-out-of my first sentimental obsession, but realise how near I am living to fire. I don’t know whether I am more pleased or more amazed at the ever changing moods of this healthy but highly strung & somewhat histrionic girl. There is yet a third rival feeling, & that is one of aversion to many of the traits of our other American companions here. But I have long decided that my only course amongst these swift waters is to banish fear & steer strictly by my highest sense of duty & sincerity. By this means I can rise quietly above any big waves I meet. But the greatest trial still remains that of being mis-understood, not by the person in question, which is, as it were, part of the game, but by some of the others. For I have climbed above the desire to dominate or possess, & feel that the realities of life dwarf all other desires or impulses than that of helpfulness & duty: & there are one or two here who might have appreciated this fact. But don’t imagine I am sadly in love or going to be sadly scorched. It is just because I have succeeded in banishing fear that there remains nothing to fear. Only a very clear & unlikely sense of its rightness which makes me think of anything more than friendship, even if more were possible.

Yesterday (Sunday) we entertained three English members of the mission at lunch – Mark Hayler our new Chef (Chief?)d’Equipe, Ernest Holliday our new Treasurer, & Fred Page from Grange. The latter two accompanied me down to the Tuileries where I had a rendez-vous with Lucienne & Germaine. The latter spotted me about 3 O. Clock & after introductions we went to the  Musee Rodin & then back to the Rue de Sevres whither I had invited them to dinner. They were charmingly dressed in pink slips, with short sleeves & low necks. Fred Page has a magnificent voice & can play sufficiently to accompany himself, so he sang & I played alternately & managed to entertain  them for an hour, after which I had that task wholly upon my own shoulders for a time as the other two were not staying to dinner. But our American girls came in just before seven. We had a gay meal in French (ten of us in all 7 Americans 2 French & myself), & then more music & talking. All were impressed with the prettiness & quality of my French friends & two chaps are anxious for further appointments. Teague declares that he could “fall heavily” over Lucienne. Their prettiness somehow has no particular hold over me: but they have a most sisterly touch. They seem to me like children with beautifully delicate manners & ways. Fred Fellow & I saw them to the Gare de l’est to catch the 10.30: but we just missed that, so sat in a carriage with them in a train which did not actually leave till 11.30; from which carriage we jumped after the train had started.

I am now starting “By an unknown Disciple”, - a really beautifully written commentary upon the Gospel events & teachings.

I hope you show my letters & photos to Mr. Thompson. Tell him I received his last letter & thank him very much. Walter Bowerman our late (staid ?) treasurer, is leaving for America in a week or so. But it is typical of him that by planning that little excursion to Ham he enabled me to become intimate & real friends with Mark & Ernest mentioned above. I will not cover the same ground as this letter in writing to Mr J next. Yours affectionately Don. 

Love to all.